Want to make a better first impression and engender positive feelings that last a long time? Focus on what you say as much as what you do.
First impressions can lead to lasting impressions. So to improve, a lot of people will tell you to dress better, read more (so you'll have interesting things to talk about), and ensure that your online presence is respectable (because many people will check you out online before meeting in person).
But, how far will that get you? Despite what many people would like to believe, the things you say often make an even greater early impression than the things you do. To take advantage of that and get you started easily, here are 19 words--grouped into a handful of easy phrases--that you should make a habit of saying every day. They're virtually guaranteed to improve your standing with others if you use them often enough.
Words No. 1 and 2: "Sir" and "ma'am"
American culture is pretty informal compared to many other places in the world, but a little bit of formality can really make you stand out in a positive way. I carry this inclination from the military, and also from having been a lawyer in the federal court system. These are environments in which people use the titles "Sir" and "Ma'am" constantly--not just in talking with high ranking military officers, but also addressing civilians.
I know that this doesn't work in every situation, but using these titles can be a sign of respect that gets people's attention. It can be important in professional relationships, especially when dealing with people you don't know well, and who are older or more experienced than you.
Words No. 3 and 4: "You're welcome."
Sometime in fairly recent history it seems people stopped saying, "You're welcome," and started substituting, "Yep," or, "No problem." At the risk of sounding older than I am, I think this is a step in the wrong direction--at least in a business or professional setting.
Why? Because ditching "you're welcome" for these other phrases changes the message. "You're welcome" acknowledges that you've done something worth someone else's thanks, while "no problem" suggests that it wasn't that big of a deal. Saying the former phrase conveys that you think it was a worthwhile favor. That's an impressive message to send.
Words No. 5 to 7: "Here's what's happening."
If you've ever worked in an environment in which people guarded information like a valuable commodity, you'll appreciate how much affinity you develop for the few people who try to keep everyone else accurately informed.
Of course you don't want to be a know-it-all or spread rumors. However, even if you don't know the full story, being willing to share the information you have that affects others' lives can make you instantly more likable.
Words No. 8 to 11: "How can I help?"
Nobody accomplishes anything amazing alone. Thus, with the exception of the sociopaths among us, we're all eventually grateful to those who help us achieve great things. I think we're especially grateful to those who proactively try to help.
This doesn't mean you have to go way out of your way to offer assistance, but it's often the case that you have access to something or the ability to do something that won't take much on your part, but that can really have a positive impact on someone else's success.
Words #12 to 15: "I'll find out."
This is one of my favorite phrases. It's related to "how can I help," but is even more proactive. It says that you're not only willing to offer assistance, but that you're willing to go out of your way to do so.
(By the way, this helpful phrase is also the diametric opposite of the most bureaucratic phrase known to humankind, uttered incessantly by some of the least likable people: "That's not my job.")
Words No. 16 to 19: "I believe in you."
Henry Ford recalled that when he was still an unknown, and was working on gasoline engines, a few short words of encouragement from an already famous Thomas Edison were a massive shot in the arm.
It's amazing how just a little bit of validation from other people can inspire people to work harder and achieve more. Four short words can have a huge, positive impact--both for the people you're encouraging, and for their feelings toward you
1. “Only a genius can do things his own way. You? You’re no genius.” I worked a construction job one summer and kept questioning what I was told to do. The foreman finally, in no uncertain terms, set me straight. It’s okay to reinvent the wheel, but only after you know how the current wheel works. Never assume you know better when you don’t really know anything.
2. “If you want to know how much you’ll be missed when you are gone, put your finger in a bucket of water and then remove it. The hole that’s left will be how much you are missed.” No one is irreplaceable. No one. Not even this guy. Instead of depressing, the thought we’re professionally replaceable is liberating. You may not leave a hole, but you can leave a mark on a person, a team, or a culture that lives on after you’re gone.
You may not be missed but you can be remembered–in the best possible way.
3. “We all have limits. Almost no one reaches theirs. You definitely haven’t.” You could swim faster if a shark was on your tail. You could run faster if your child was in danger. You could work harder if the payoff was truly exceptional.
What we think we can do is always–always–less than what we can do if we really, reallytry. We always have a little more in us. Find your true limits and you may find that success is limitless.
4. “Unless you’re the lead dog in the sled, the view never changes.” Following the crowd means living the same life as the crowd. You don’t want that.
5. “There are two types of pain you will go through in life: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weights tons.” (Original to Jim Rohn.) The worst words you can say are, “I just wish I had…” Push yourself to do what you hope to do… so you will never have to regret not having tried.
6. “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” (Gotta love Dean Wormer.) I haven’t overcome the stupid part… but I’m trying.
7. “The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one.” (Original to Ernest Hemingway.) Think about easing into a cold ocean; every inch is excruciating. Dive in and it sucks big time, but then it’s over. It’s even worse to turn away from what scares you because when you do, deep inside, a little piece of you withers and dies.
Dive in. It’s never as cold, or as bad, as you think.
8. “Today’s pain is tomorrow’s power. The more you suffer today, the stronger you are tomorrow.” Self-pity is self-defeating. Tomorrow’s success is based on today’s discomfort. Plus willpower is like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger your will gets.
And the easier it is to call on when dedication and persistence make all the difference.
9. “Bravery means finding something more important than fear.” Courage without meaning is just recklessness. Brave people aren’t fearless; they’ve simply found something that matters more to them than the fear they’re facing. Say you’re scared to start a business. Find a reason that has greater meaning than the fear: Your family’s future, your desire to make a difference, or your dream of a more fulfilling life.
When you find a greater meaning you find the courage to overcome your fear.
10. “Do it or not. There is no try.” (Original Yoda, philosopher and avant-garde sentence constructor.) A boss once gave me what I thought was an impossible task. I said, “Okay… I’ll try.” He explained that I would finish as long as I didn’t quit. Trying didn’t enter into it. Persistence was all that mattered.
Often we say, “I’ll try…” because it gives us an out. Once we say, “I will,” our perspective changes. What previously seemed insurmountable is no longer a matter of luck or chance but of time and effort and persistence.
When what you want to do really matters, never say, “I’ll try.” Say, “I will,” and keep that promise to yourself.
11. “Stop waiting for the ‘right time.’ Success is a numbers game: the number of times you take a shot.” You’ll never create the perfect business plan, never find the perfect partners, the perfect market, the perfect location, but you can find the perfect time to start.
That time is now.
Talent, experience, and connections are important, but put your all into enough new things and some will work. Take enough shots and over time you’ll grow more skilled, more experienced, and more connected. And that will mean a greater percentage of your efforts will succeed. Take enough shots, learn from what didn’t work, and in time you’ll have all the skills, experience, and connections you need.
Ultimately success is all about taking your shot, over and over again. Sometimes you may win, sometimes you will definitely lose, but the more things you try the more chances you have of succeeding. Put the power of numbers on your side. Take as many shots as you can. There’s no guarantee of success, but when you don’t take a shot, there’s a definite guarantee of failure.
12. “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other guy to die.” The same holds for bitterness. And jealousy. And dislike. Let it go. If you don’t, the only loser is you.
13. “The extra mile is a vast, unpopulated wasteland.” (Me.) Everyone says they go the extra mile, but almost no one actually does. Most people think, “Wait… no one else is here… why am I doing this?”
That’s why the extra mile is such a lonely place. That’s also why the extra mile is a place filled with opportunities. Be early. Stay late. Make the extra phone call. Send the extra email. Do the extra research. Help a customer unload or unpack a shipment. Don’t wait to be asked; offer. Every time you do something, think of one extra thing you can do–especially if other people aren’t doing that one thing. Sure, it’s hard.
But that’s what will make you different–and over time will make you incredibly successful.
14. “It’s just a flesh wound.”The Black Knight never gives up.
New Year’s resolutions focus on mere symptoms — overeating, lateness — of our disconnection from ourselves and others. They are bound to fail. But this time-tested method — taken from the best traditions of self-help — can turn your 2014 into a genuinely more meaningful year for you in allareas of life. Here are five simple steps.
1. Try being a little kinder
Toward the end of his life, the 20th century novelist and spiritual journeyer Aldous Huxley was asked by a reporter to name — out of all the Eastern philosophies, psychedelic experiments and human-potential exercises that the British intellectual had attempted — the one best method for inner development. “Just try being a little kinder,” he replied. Huxley wasn’t being glib — he was entirely serious. Christ, the Buddha and the Talmudic sages alike recognized kindness as a revolutionary act.
2. Be unsparingly honest about personal goals
What if a genie promised you a wish, but with a catch: you had to tell him the truth about what you really wanted — otherwise you’d lose everything. We internally repeat what we want to believe about ourselves (“I enjoy my work”) but rarely with self-scrutiny. Make a list — every day — of what you truly, deeply want out of life. Revise it repeatedly, until you feel you are being unflinching honest about your desires. This doesn’t mean becoming Walter White, but you should know what you really want. You may be surprised where it leads you.
3. Radically forgive even cruel people
Nelson Mandela did not bring justice to South Africa so much as he brought forgiveness and reconciliation. The thirst for justice often translates into vengeance, which is life withering on both a national and intimate scale. Observe New Year’s Day in a radically new way by making an authentic effort to forgive everyone — yes, everyone — who has ever hurt you. If you can honestly attempt this — and it may require a lifetime of repeat tries — you will begin to experience a new sense of inner calm.
4. Express gratitude daily
As Joni Mitchell sang, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” These words are prophecy. We bypass incredible blessings each day. After actor Christopher Reeve was rendered quadriplegic in an accident, he observed: “I see somebody just get up out of a chair and stretch and I go, ‘No, you’re not even thinking about what you’re doing and how lucky you are to do that.’” Every morning — no matter what stresses you face — enumerate at least three things for which you are grateful. It will set your day on a different track.
5. Commit to civility
We live in an era of “global cooling,” in the words of therapist Piero Ferrucci. A stifling degree of cynicism and coarseness abounds in e-mail, texts and postings. Humiliation, gossip and snarkiness emanate daily from reality TV, political talk shows, and radio shock jocks. Take one radical stand: Commit yourself to civility in all communication. Compose every text, e-mail and posting as though it were addressed to someone you love. The effects may go beyond anything you would expect.
The words you choose reflect who you are. Freshen-up your conversation by eliminating these stale words and phrases TODAY!!!
-This or that will not happen 'Anytime soon'.
-You know what.
-To be honest with you.
-You know what I mean.
-No question about it.
-As a matter of fact.
-Should I tell you the truth (No, lie!!!).
-Are you serious.
-Truth of the matter is.
-Let me say this. (No we won’t).
You got more? No, you don't!!!!!
Reach for these items next time you're feeling under pressure, under the weather, or just too close to that breaking point. Munching on these stress-free foods will help pull you back into the game.
A German study in Psychopharmacology found that vitamin C helps reduce stress and return blood pressure and cortisol to normal levels after a stressful situation. Vitamin C is also well-known for boosting your immune system.
Sweet potatoes can be particularly stress-reducing because they can satisfy the urge you get for carbohydrates and sweets when you are under a great deal of stress. They are packed full of beta-carotene and other vitamins, and the fiber helps your body to process the carbohydrates in a slow and steady manner.
Apricots are rich in magnesium, which is a stress-buster and a natural muscle relaxant as well.
Almonds, Pistachios & Walnuts
Almonds are packed with B and E vitamins, which help boost your immune system, and walnuts and pistachios help lower blood pressure.
Turkey contains an amino acid called L-tryptophan. This amino acid triggers the release of serotonin, which is a feel-good brain chemical. This is the reason why many people who eat turkey feel relaxed, or even tired, after eating it. L-Tryptophan has a documented calming effect.
A deficiency in magnesium can cause migraine headaches and a feeling of fatigue. One cup of spinach provides 40 percent of your daily needs for magnesium.
Diets high in omega-3 fatty acids protect against heart disease. A study from Diabetes & Metabolism found that omega-3s keep the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline from peaking.
The monounsaturated fats and potassium in avocados help lower blood pressure. The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute says that one of the best ways to lower blood pressure is to consume enough potassium (avocados have more than bananas).
Broccoli, kale, and other dark green vegetables are powerhouses of vitamins that help replenish our bodies in times of stress.
1. Wild salmon: A primo source for omega-3 fatty acids, which reduce skin inflammation, preventing redness, wrinkles, and loss of firmness. It's also potent in antioxidants and vitamins B and D.
2. Low-fat yogurt: in one word, calcium. Good for strong bones, nails, and teeth. One cup of plain, low-fat yogurt has more calcium than a glass of skim milk.
3. Oysters. The best source of zinc, period. Zinc helps build collagen, which support the structure of skin and speeds up repair and renewal.
4. Blueberries: Full of antioxidants and anti-inflammatories that prevent long-term cell damage.
5. Kiwifruit: Another good source of antioxidants, kiwis are also a great source of vitamin C and potassium, all which help prevent wrinkles.
6. Sweet potatoes: Chock full of beta-carotene, something the body converts to vitamin A, which keeps skin smooth and is thought to prevent against sun damage.
7. Spinach: This nutrient-dense leafy green is a great source of beta-carotene and lutein, which protects the eyes.
8. Tomatoes: Perhaps the only vegetable best eaten processed. Tomatoes are a major source of lycopene, a potent antioxidant also thought to protect against sunburn.
9. Walnuts: A key source of omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin E. The omega-3s found in walnuts also hep fight against skin ailments like psoriasis and eczema.
10. Dark chocolate: Full of antioxidants and nutrients, cocoa (choose chocolate with at least 60 percent cocoa) increases blood flow to the skin, which in turn boosts hydration, smoothness, and protection against sun exposure.
If you’re a clothes horse – or even if you’re not – you may have noticed that the shirts, pants, sweaters, and dresses you want probably cost more than they did a year ago.
In fact, the Consumer Price Index report released last month showed a 2.7% increase in apparel from last September to this one. With the Christmas shopping season right around the corner, that’s bad news — but there are optimal times to buy clothing. Follow these guidelines and you can save a lot of money.
The best day of the week to buy clothing online
The answer depends on what you are looking for. ShopItToMe.com, a San Francisco company that analyzes more than 750,000 sales items a year from more than 200 online retailers. By running averages, the company found the following patterns:
■ Mondays: Shoppers can save nearly 50% on men’s and women’s dress pants, and about 55% on sunglasses.
■ Tuesdays: Expect to save more than 40% on men’s apparel.
■ Wednesdays: Shoppers save about 40% on shoes and children’s clothes.
■ Thursdays: Save 36% on handbags.
■ Fridays: Pay 42% less for jewelry, belts and scarves.
■ Saturdays: Lingerie (37% off) and jackets/outerwear (51% off).
■ Sundays: Swimsuits (52% off).
The best day of the year to buy clothing
Dec. 26. The day after Christmas is the first day of the best sales week of the year for clothes. If you’re willing to fight through the hoards of shoppers who are returning unwanted gifts, you can find the best deals and the best selection. Wait until Dec. 27 or Dec. 28, and the clothes will have been picked through.
During other seasons, Thursday evenings are the best time and day of the week to buy clothing — especially about six weeks after items arrive in stores. If clothes haven’t sold about six weeks after they arrive in stores, managers start lowering the prices. These sales often occur as part of weekend sales, which often start on Thursdays.
The best month to buy a winter coat
January or February. The vast majority of people who need winter coats have them by then, so coats and other winter clothes often go on sale starting in January. The longer you wait, the lower the prices — retailers will need to make room for spring clothing. But the longer you wait, the worse the selection will get.
The best month to buy sneakers
November and April. Check for November sales at big-box retailers, which need to make room for winter boots and shoes. Athletic shoe stores often offer great sales in April, when non-serious runners start hitting the pavement again.
The best month of the year to buy suits
Suits go on sale throughout the year, but January typically is a slow month for suit sales, so clothiers will lower prices to get you in their stores. When you’re shopping, consider all-weather wool suits and timeless styles, and remember that, to some extent, you get what you pay for. You probably won’t have a $100 suit in your closet four or five years from now, but you may have a $500 suit for as long as you’re able to fit into it.
How about swimsuits?
Swimsuit sales tend to start in the summer, but by September, department stores badly want to get rid of swimsuits.
October. Wait until after the post-back-to-school sales end in September, and you’ll see deep discounts, especially during fall seasons when denim is not expected to be a big part of fashion trends.
There are only two ways to become richer – make more or spend less.
There are a few ways to make more, from getting a raise to finding weird ways to make extra money. And there are tons of ways to spend less. One of the best? Stop paying for things you could get free.1. Free cars
Many people want their cars moved from place to place, but don’t want to do the driving. Sometimes these cars are delivered by truck, but often they’re driven – by people like you. If you have a clean driving record, a car delivery company like AutoDriveaway might hook you up.
I did car delivery a few times when I was in college – it’s a great way to get where you’re going. It’s best if you’re flexible about when you leave, return, and perhaps even where you go. You still have to pay for gas, and the trip home can be problematic. I used to hitchhike, but smarter choices today would be bus, plane, or waiting at the other end for another drive-away car.
2. Free lodging
Why stay in a hotel when the nonprofit Couchsurfing.org offers tourists a chance to stay at homes for free? Make friends with sponsoring families throughout the United States and countries ranging from Croatia to France. You have to set up a profile on the CouchSurfing website, which provides tips on how to find families willing to open their homes to you. Obviously, the digs won’t be fancy, but they’ll be free.
Another way to get free lodging is to home-swap.
3. Free audio books
Now you can find out for free the fate of Pip in Charles Dickens’ “Great Expectations” or Elizabeth in “Pride and Prejudice” as you drive or jog. Download free audio books from the nonprofit LibriVox.org, which has volunteers recording classics in the public domain – including many Shakespeare plays. You can also volunteer to help by reading. LibriVox will even provide you with free recording software.
4. Free food
There’s at least one day every year when you shouldn’t think of paying for a meal. Frugal Living has a list of hundreds of businesses that offer birthday freebies, most of which are food. For a free libation at your favorite pub, do what I do: Loudly proclaim it’s your birthday and demand that everyone within earshot pick up the next round.
5. Free food for kids
Don’t go to another restaurant that doesn’t feed your kids for free. MyKidsEatFree.com offers a roadmap of where you can save on kids’ meals – just type in a state and city. You’ll pay but your kids won’t at more than 5,000 restaurants across the country.
6. Free samples
Before you go to the drugstore and shell out silly sums for travel sizes of your favorite toiletries, go to Volition.com or one of many other websites that offer free samples. In addition to soap, shampoo, etc., you might find all manner of interesting things. For example, we’ve spotted circus tickets, a free diet analysis, and free advance movie screenings. Other free mega-sites include TheFreeSite.com and freechannel.net.
7. Free TV
Despite that more than 100 million Americans shell out an average of $75 every month for satellite or cable TV, local channels are still free. And thanks to digital signals, reception is better than ever.
8. Free software
You can get free software for word processing, spreadsheets, presentations, graphics, databases and other uses by going to OpenOffice.org. And that’s the tip of the iceberg. No matter what kind of software you want, you can probably find it free.
9. Free anti-virus
This one could go under “free software,” but it’s important enough to warrant its own spot on the list.
10. Free speech
Make your voice heard around the world with your own blog. Many companies will help you set up your own site at no charge, such as WordPress or Blogger. They’ll even give you free, easy instructions and a choice of blog templates.
11. Free foreign language lessons
The BBC is on the other side of the pond, but it offers a free 12-week class to learn French, Spanish, Italian, or German, gratis. You’ll even get a certificate at the completion of the course. BBC also offers other audio and video courses in the four languages – as well as help in learning more exotic languages such as Chinese, Russian, and Greek.
12. Free checking
According to The Wall Street Journal, the average minimum checking account balance required to avoid a monthly fee at U.S. banks is $723 – and the average monthly fee is $5.48.
But banks aren’t the only game in town. While not all offer free checking, the prospect of lower fees is one of 7 Reasons You Should Join a Credit Union.
Another option is online-only banks. Without the overhead of brick-and-mortar branches, the terms are often much better. Consumerism Commentary ranks The Best Online Checking Accounts.
Too much hassle to leave your bank? Threaten to and see if you can have fees reduced or eliminated.
13. Free credit reports and scores
Don’t ever pay for a copy of your credit report. Instead, go to AnnualCreditReport.com for a free look at your credit history once a year.
When it comes to free credit scores, you can turn to sites like Credit Karma or Credit Sesame, although they won’t give you the most widely used score, the FICO score. For that, you could try enrolling in a FICO product that comes with a free score, then cancelling within the cancellation period.
14. Free cash
Tired of paying a $2.50 “convenience fee” for using an ATM that’s not in your bank’s network? Use an app like ATM Hunter to find a branch ATM. If you can’t find an ATM near you for a free cash withdrawal, no worries: Plenty of stores will give you cash back with no fee when you make a purchase.
15. Free information
Use the search feature on your smartphone, or text a business name to G-O-O-G-L-E, and you’ll get the number texted back. You can also dial free 411 (1-800-Free411). The results are sponsored by companies (you’ll have to listen to a 10-second ad), but it’s free.
16. Free scholarship search
Plenty of websites offer free searches for scholarships, such as Fastweb. There’s even a company called Free Scholarship Searches that offers links to 40 websites that offer free scholarship searches.
17. Free baggage
My wife and I went to Europe for 10 days with just one carry-on each. If we can do it, so can you. But if you insist on checking a bag, try to fly with the only two airlines that allow one free checked bag: Southwest and JetBlue. And avoid the two that slap consumers in the face by charging for carry-ons: Spirit and Allegiant.
Need to check and need to fly an airline that charges? Delta, United, and American all offer credit cards that include checked-bag fee waivers for cardholders and, in some cases, their companions.
18. Free entertainment
As we point out in 19 Tips to Save on Entertainment, your local library, parks, and universities offer lots of free fun, from books to plays to concerts. Join email lists to see what’s up. And of course, there’s the Internet, offering free games as well as articles. Just go to the website of your favorite news source.
Volunteering doesn’t cost a dime and can pay off for both you and your community. Local animal shelters, home-building groups, shelters, and food banks are always looking for volunteers. And check out volunteer opportunities at local festivals and events. By volunteering, you get to go to the event free.
19. Free water
While technically not free, tap water is about as close as you can get. If you’re concerned about water quality, buy a filter. But don’t ever pay for water at a convenience store.
20. Free telephone calls
Always calling a loved one long-distance? If you both get something like Skype, you can talk all you want without paying a dime. And with a service like Google Voice, you can get all of your cell phone calls free too.
21. Free everything else
You have something you don’t want, but it’s too valuable to throw away. You might donate it to charity, but you also might give it away at sites like Craigslist or Freecycle, a nonprofit set up to help you find free stuff and keep it out of landfills. From used furniture to sport equipment, you’ll be amazed at what people give away.
Bottom line? While the best things in life are always free, so is lots of other stuff. If you want to find some extra money in your budget, stop paying for things you could have for nothing.
Happiness–in your business life and your personal life–is often a matter of subtraction, not addition.
Consider, for example, what happens when you stop doing the following 10 things:
People make mistakes. Employees don’t meet your expectations. Vendors don’t deliver on time.
So you blame them for your problems.
But you’re also to blame. Maybe you didn’t provide enough training. Maybe you didn’t build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon.
Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn’t masochistic, it’s empowering–because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.
And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all “things.” People may like your things–but that doesn’t mean they like you.
Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
When you’re afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn’t particularly good for you.
An absence of fear or insecurity isn’t happiness: It’s just an absence of fear or insecurity.
Holding on to what you think you need won’t make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will.
Even if you don’t succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.
Interrupting isn’t just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you so I can understand what you’re saying; I’m listening to you so I can decide what I want to say.”
Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say.
They’ll love you for it–and you’ll love how that makes you feel.
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better.
If something is wrong, don’t waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you’ll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now.
Don’t talk about what’s wrong. Talk about how you’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don’t just be the shoulder they cry on.
Friends don’t let friends whine–friends help friends make their lives better.
Yeah, you’re the boss. Yeah, you’re the titan of industry. Yeah, you’re the small tail that wags a huge dog.
Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you’ve decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.
Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure–none of those let you feel good about yourself.
Find people who want to go where you’re going. They’ll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.
And all of you will be happier.
Yeah, you’re more educated. Yeah, you’re more experienced. Yeah, you’ve been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons.
That doesn’t make you smarter, or better, or more insightful.
That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind, but in the end, just you.
Just like everyone else–including your employees.
Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you’ll see people–and yourself–in a better light.
Criticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging.
The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything–and to tell people everything you think you know.
When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don’t listen. Few things are sadder and leave you feeling less happy.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn’t define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
We’re all afraid: of what might or might not happen, of what we can’t change, or what we won’t be able to do, or how other people might perceive us.
So it’s easier to hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives.
Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by.
And so do our dreams.
Don’t let your fears hold you back. Whatever you’ve been planning, whatever you’ve imagined, whatever you’ve dreamed of, get started on it today.
If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or services, take the first step.
Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything.
Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever.
Today is the most precious asset you own–and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting.
Have you seen clowns who work out, not let any opportunity pass to cross their hands and stick their fist under their biceps to make their muscles appear bigger than they really are (I know one of them 'personally')? Sure you have. And what kind of emotion does that evoke? Do the following words come to mind? Tacky, gaudy, crude, sleazy....... Vulgar?
It doesn't matter what you are gifted with from body to mind to spirit. It's best expressed with subtle sophistication. Have you ever watched a person and come away feeling that he / she probably has no idea how good looking he / she is? Or you have seen this shy person at your religious institution and maybe even conversed with off and on but never realized until after months or even years passed that he / she is an authority on your favorite subject? Or the person who drives a Honda Civic on your way to work is actually a billionaire who owns businesses worldwide and you accidentally discovered it through somebody else? Are you freaking getting the pitchker? No, you're not!!!!!
Isn't there a certain added juice to knowing the real person THIS WAY than being bombarded with the information at the first opportunity - relentlessly - BY THE PERSON HIMSELF?
Oh, what did you say? What if I hide it and people never come to know - ever? First, you freaks have nothing to hide and secondly when you are good it's IMPOSSIBLE for the world to not know it sooner or later. And what do you care? If you do, you are short circuiting the whole freaking operation from the get go because that vibe WILL get out - without your assistance. And it doesn't end there. It WILL impede your progress to your goal.
Bottom freaking line is freaking this: Be secure enough to not be endlessly seeking other people's approval, admiration or whateverfreakingelse. Do what you do best without adding your own noise to the orchestra allowing your talent to milk the most mileage when discovered. Discovered it will - one day.
Translation: Best way to be the No. 1 player in the world is to NOT stress it - for yourself, the fans and the goal.
Did you know that MOST successful people in the world get up early and attribute fresh air, added hours to their day etc. significantly to what they have accomplished?
Although there's a zero chance that any of you freaks will EVER be successful, you can at least earn bragging rights to owing a trait only successful people possess.
There's are so many benefits that you shouldn't even try to rationalize it and bother those two marbles. Just freaking do it. You will NEVER go back - guaranfreakingteed
It’s freaking walking. You see, it’s not how great a certain workout is, or even how effective it is. What matters is whether you can keep it up on a regular basis, even in your golden years. It's the freaking consistency - doing it everyday - that does it - in virtually ANY field. With inflatables you might get a little sore and blistery, but it's still the only option to sustain the 'momentum'.
You can develop a ripped body within a year, but if you cannot freaking keep it up for the rest of your life, what good is it. Heck, it may even be harmful.
I can’t freaking believe how easily people fall for these new gadgets and fads, that fade within a few years if not months.
Walking is the best option. Of course, you can add other forms of exercise depending on your situation, but walking has got to be the foundation.
You can do it anywhere, you don’t need any specialised equipment, it can be done even in your golden years, your travel schedule cannot affect it, and it's a complete workout. Just about 30-40 minutes daily will do it.
I think walking outside in fresh EARLY morning (which some of you haven't seen in your entire freaking life) air, with nature, is most rewarding than the treadmill BS with polluted air from vents blowing stale stuff - or not so stale 'stuff'.
It's of course not for you if you cannot freaking move two hours away to better weather freaking conditions rather than being caged all freaking year. Geeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!
Exercise is medicine, without the side effects and the astronomical costs.
Start NOW or else. Geeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whether you like it or not, you are representing a whole host of stuff from your country to your city to your neighborhood to your profession to your race to your religion to your parents to your favorite athlete..... Heck you are representative of even your freaking name.
One way is to always keep that in mind, the other is to ALWAYS keep yourself above the fray. You know in ANY of your dealings that past a certain point the discussion, the deal, the transaction...........becomes moot. Nothing is coming out of it except what's least desired by both parties. Recognize it long before you get there and let the person leave the table with sweet taste - irrespective of what's at stake - within reason.
Why do you think I am so careful not to offend anyone with my posts and comments? I am standing up for other basement lunatics - honorably.
Carrying on the baseball theme
In Brooklyn, New York, Chush is a school that caters to learning disabled
children. Some children remain in Chush for their entire school career, while
others can be main-streamed into conventional schools. At a Chush
fund-raising dinner, the father of a Chush child delivered a speech that
would never be forgotten by any who attended. After extolling the school and
its dedicated staff, he cried out, “Where is the perfection in my son, Shay?
Everything God does is done with perfection. But my child cannot understand
things as other children do. My child cannot remember facts and figures as
other children do. Where is God’s perfection?
The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father’s anguish and
stilled by the piercing query. “I believe,” the father answered, “that when
God brings a child like this into the world, the perfection that he seeks is
in the way people react to this child.”
He then told the following story about his son Shay: One afternoon, Shay and his father walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.
Shay asked, “Do you think they will let me play?”
Shay’s father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys
would not want him on their team. But Shay’s father understood that if his
son was chosen to play it would give him a comfortable sense of belonging.
Shay’s father approached one of the boys in the field and asked if Shay could
play. The boy looked around for
guidance from his team-mates. Getting none, he took matters into to his own
hands and said, “We are losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth
inning. I guess he can be on our team, and we’ll try to put him up to bat in
the ninth inning.”
Shay’s father was ecstatic as Shay smiled broadly. Shay was told to put on a
glove and go out to play short center field. In the bottom of the eighth
inning, Shay’s team
scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth
inning, Shay’s team scored again and now with two outs and the bases loaded
potential winning run on base. Shay was scheduled to be up. Would the team
actually let. Shay bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but
impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, let
alone hit with it.
However as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob
the ball in softly so Shay should at least be able to make contact. The
first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. One of Shay’s
team-mates came up to Shay and together they held the bat and faced the
pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher again took a few steps
forward to toss the ball softly toward Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay and
his teammate swung at the ball and together they hit a slow ground ball to
the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily
have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that
would have ended the game.
Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field,
far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, “Shay, run
to first. Run to first.”
Never in his life had Shay run to first. He scampered down the baseline,
wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder
had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would
tag out Shay, who was still running. But the right fielder understood what
the pitcher’s intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the
third baseman’s head. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second.” Shay
ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him delirious circled the
bases towards home. As Shay reached second base, the opposing short stop ran
to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, “Run to
third.” As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him
screaming, “Shay run home.”
Shay ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their
shoulders and made him the hero, as he had just hit a “grand slam” and won
the game for his team.
“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face,
“those 18 boys reached their level of God’s perfection.”
Eat half papaya after dinner for the next three days. Of course, it would help if you cheap freaks stopped your other usual bad eating, exercising etc. habits, but this is such a strong shot that it can overcome even your own moves against your health.
If you don’t notice a difference, you will be provided a free tour of my basement.
Go to the freaking store, and buy two good size papayas, NOW, for crying out freaking loud. Not convinced? Some freaks have already tried it and have testified to it's effectiveness.
ALWAYS, within reason, take the high road.
Don’t demean and debase yourself to the ones who stoop to any level.
It’s one of the sweetest kind of wins you will ever register, despite losing.
If you have never experienced what I am barking about, don’t even try to pass judgement. You have no freaking idea.
No one will tell you this except a lunatic, so here it is:
After you are done using the bathroom for No. 2, there’s no way you are getting completely clean with just that ceremonial wipe. Don’t believe it? Check your underpants for proof and more. Try wearing white ones to shine light on the subject.
Still need proof? After you are done wiping, flush and then take some tissue dab it in the fresh water from the bowl and wipe it again. There you have it. That and still more is what you carry around every freaking day. No wonder you are always reaching to scratch.
There’s only one solution:
The main purpose of bidet is to wash your private parts gently, effectively and thoroughly after using the toilet e.g.: If it is routine to wash one`s hands after using the toilet, is it even not more logical to wash one`s bottom??? Babies always have their bottoms washed clean, powdered and pampered. The chief purpose of the bidet is to maintain for the user a constant state of cleanliness after each use of the toilet. The bidet should be considered a hygienic necessity rather than a luxury or status symbol. Daily use of the bidet should become as conventional as brushing one`s teeth.
Click here for more.
Could it be based on how religious a person is or how many times he / she visits the Church / Mosque / Temple etc? How immaculately well-mannered he is? How gentle and considerate he is in his dealings? How much he gives / volunteers for charity? How good he is at what he does? How long he has been in a basement????????............................
None of that matters - even a tiny bit. If you are using ANY of the above yardsticks you are in for a massive shock.
There are just three proven methods based on the following golden rule: How a person behaves / responds when things don't go his way or when he faces adversity or when people don't agree with him etc. etc.
1. You should have had a business relationship with the person for sometime.
2. You should have lived as his neighbor for sometime.
3. You should have traveled with him for a looooooonnnng journey.
Those three tools should bring what you are looking for on top of the glass for you to make a safe determination. Anything else is all conjecture, biased and irrelevant.
You do the best you can at your job (yeah, right). You follow all company policy and are known to be an outstanding employee.
Ethically you are on the ball, rarely straying away from the moral code your Creator has provided. You are person with principles.
You make sure your partner gets all he/she is due from you. You bend over backwards to make the person happy.
Are you freaking getting the picture?
Now, as of today, you freaking freaks are doing all of the above out of fear or selfish motives. You don’t want to get fired, you don’t want to burn in Hell and you want to make sure you get everything you want from your partner in return etc. etc.
Give this BS a try and turn your stressful, miserable life around:
Do it PURELY out of LOVE. Make every action of yours from today onwards, emanate from love. Make love your guiding force in everything you do. Confused?
What I mean is this: Do the best you can at your job, because you love your work. Remember my famous principle? “Do what you love, love what you do”. Not because you are scared of getting fired or whatever else.
Follow the ten commandments or whatever else because you love your Creator not because you are scared of going to hell.
Pamper your partner not because you want something in return, but because you love the person unconditionally.
All that doesn’t mean you will never get fired, go to Hell or get dumped. But when you are guided by this principle, it doesn’t matter what happens, you are ALWAYS the winner.
That love you give, will come back to you many times over, sooner than later.
But more importantly it will remove the basic component in your make up that makes you miserable and distraught. It will raise you high above the petty annoyances of life to inject calmness and tranquility instantly.
Try it. What have you got to lose? All you lazy freaks are not going anywhere anyway currently.
Here is an excerpt from a book ‘Body for Life’ I read recently.
“Picture this: For the first time in a long time, or perhaps the first time ever, all aspects of your life are coming together. You’ve successfully transformed your patterns of action, and you’re moving forward in the direction of your goals.
You’re well on your way to a new and better life. You feel unstoppable until… the ‘unexpected’ happens. Adversity strikes. Something goes wrong. You’re blindsided by a bad hit.
These hits can come from any direction. It might be an injury. It might be the loss of your job or a failed business venture, an illness, the end of a relationship, or worst of all, a personal tragedy.
The fact is, adversity hits us all, and not just ‘once in a blue moon’. No one is exempt. When trouble, in whatever form, strikes, it can bring your progress to a screeching halt. It can destroy your momentum, cripple your self-confidence, and send you into a tailspin – a situation where one thing after another, after another just doesn’t go your way.
There is no training system, supplement, or ‘miracle pill’ that can make you immune to adversity. But does that mean there’s nothing you can do about it?
Yes and no.
You can’t always prevent ill fortune, especially due to forces and circumstances beyond your control. But what you can do is expect adversity as an inevitable part of life. In fact, you must expect trouble in order to properly deal with it. Remember, it’s not a matter of if it comes your way; it’s a matter of when and how severely it strikes your life.
We must all accept that ill fortune is an inevitable part of life, and it is because of, not in spite of, misfortune that we grow. You see, our character will never be fully tested until things are not going our way. Those who have the courage to succeed in spite of adversity become an inspiration. They contribute value to the lives of others. They make a difference.
Whenever you reach that point, immediately ask yourself, ‘What can I do to turn this negative into a positive? How can I make this work for me rather than against me?’
When you approach obstacles this way, you will experience an immediate boost in energy and confidence. By practicing this skill – by learning how to transform obstacles into advantages – by attacking challenges head on – you will not only continue to move forward, you will gain the inner strength to deal with anything life brings your way.
When you look at misfortune that way, you will realize misfortune is a bridge, not a barricade, to greater achievements. It can represent the opening of doors, not the closing of them. When adversity strikes, don’t let it stop you. Promise yourself in advance you will transform that negative into a positive. That’s not just the right way to handle it, it’s the only way”.
-Resolve to set a day and time each week to either call or write to them. Make a list of things you will talk about with emphasis on listening instead of unloading on your own stupid problems.
-Take them out for dinner and movies or just plain drive at least once a month, instead of being cheap and crazy to wait for ONE day in a year.
-Buy and arrange for them to watch their favorite old movies on the best electronic equipment you can provide – at home.
-Get them a pet, if they don’t have one now with consideration to how much they can take care of somebody else. Go for a parrot or a bird in case of mobility issues.
Pet therapy is proven to help people cope with their problems.
-Buy them the top of the line mattress. That will be the best investment you will ever make of your cheap money.
-Never frown or be rude to them, irrespective of ANYTHING. Be kind to them in words and deeds.
Remember you are alive and thriving today largely due to them. They did the best they could to make you happy and healthy. Now it’s your turn to repay that debt. Don’t be cheap and stupid.
-Never EVER ask them for financial help NO MATTER what you are going through. Have some balls to deal with your stuff on your own without burdening your folks financially and emotionally.
-Provide all you can financially if they are in need. Remember the money you have today is really theirs. Why? Just visit my basement after 11:00 pm any night and I will explain it in a manner you will never forget.
-Include them in your prayers EVERYDAY BEFORE you ask for your own cheap stuff.
-Set an example for your own kids by putting your parents ahead of your own needs.
-Show immense respect and gratitude every moment you are with them. You will reap rewards you never can imagine today.
JUST FREAKING DO IT.